When I read the “howling wind” and things “shining lonely in the moonlight”, I definitely felt more tension being created. However, I think the question in the second extract adds tension too. Perhaps you could combine the two ideas…
Okay here it goes! Hogarth’s dad heard the howls of the wind and turned to drive home. But what was that, shining lonley in the moonlight? It was half a tractor! Just half! Is that okay?
I think it is very good. How about this. Use as if when or before and after because then it would realy set the mood. Not saying it doesn’t set the mood. love it.
When I read the “howling wind” and things “shining lonely in the moonlight”, I definitely felt more tension being created. However, I think the question in the second extract adds tension too. Perhaps you could combine the two ideas…
Okay here it goes! Hogarth’s dad heard the howls of the wind and turned to drive home. But what was that, shining lonley in the moonlight? It was half a tractor! Just half! Is that okay?
I thought that was very effective -well done.
Why do you think it can be powerful to have questions in your writing?
William I think you should use some boys sentences
I think Williams work is really good because you can see the different ways it is written.
well done William I think the one at night really sets the mood maybe try typing it up in the comments
This is good.Do you think this is?” The trees were climbing on the clouds blocking the alluminating moon”
yes I do Sofia
It’s very good but you misspelled illuminating.
I think it is very good. How about this. Use as if when or before and after because then it would realy set the mood. Not saying it doesn’t set the mood. love it.
I really like your mood in writing. And also the part where the tractor was bitten in half
Well done William it must have taken a lot of thought
Thank you
well done William very effective work .
I think this is really good. Maybe a bit more tension, love it though!
Try using short sentences to
Hogarth heard footsteps behind him.
I agree. Make shorter sentences then it would make it really good
Amazing work